The Millennial Boy Problem
I have been single for about three years now, and I have just come to realize that it is the best thing that has happened to me. Up until a few months ago, I was getting frustrated. Not just me, but a lot of my friends were in the same boat. But then, we realized that the issue wasn't us - but it was them.
People always argue that the reason for certain men’s stupidity and emotional incompetence is due to their age. I beg to differ. Maturity isn't based on age, if you ask me. But since society says it is, men blame their childish behavior on how old they are. If we look back and ask our parents and grandparents, they'll tell us that people our age were already hitched and settled down. Meanwhile I’m sitting here waiting for a text back from a boy that honestly couldn't give less of a shit.
The reason why our grandparents were getting married so young, is because they grew up during a time that had hardships which demanded maturity at a young age. I read somewhere about how idyllic childhood is an essentially new concept that started no so long ago. They weren't caught up in social media, and their president wasn’t a twitter fiend. We are a product of our surroundings, remember that. If you really think about it, the immaturity of young men in our lives really makes sense.
For a large portion of the 20th century, it seemed as though there was a pressure to act like a gentleman - to show respect and a degree of emotion towards ladies. (I’m not saying that was all - of course, there was other, more serious crap women in relationships had to worry about).
Unfortunately, over time, and as we dipped over into the 21st century, the concept of chivalry and emotional depth has become more and rarer. Being a gentleman to a lady was important, and in many cases took some of the burden off of women’s status in society. Now, women have a higher status, but we are stripped off respect from men. They believe they are treating us like “equals” when they’re actually dehumanizing us even more.
However, for some odd reason, girls have stayed the same. We are pretty straight forward. Maybe we really aren’t even as complicated as we are painted to be. If we like someone, we will talk to them and show interest. If we don’t show interest, then we don’t talk. It’s pretty simple.
However, the infamous “cool girl” stereotype has fucked up our simple ways. (Hey Amy, you were completely right about that.)
As men have lost interest in pursuing and respecting, even to some degree, we make ourselves stoop down to their level. The only logical solution? Play them at their game - we succumb to the “cool girl” role that they so desperately yearn for. We tell ourselves that we shouldn't be so available, and to wait 2+ hours to reply. We make up rules that go against how we want to act. It’s just fucked up. Then, guys get scared away by someone giving them attention, and use it against us. For what? Sex. Strip us to the most basic form, or bodies, and expect intercourse. (Yeah, of course, #notallmen. I'm sure you know an exception or two. But at least 90% of them do). And I am not about to waste my days pining for that 10%. And of course there are exceptions to everything, and I’m not paying attention to the abuses women had to suffer through - but it is undeniable that men at least had to behave with a degree of respect to the women in their lives.
So then we go ahead and sleep with them. And with the casualness of the facade that they have promoted, it is only natural that nature of sex follows the trend. Thus ensuing the popular term known as the infamous one night stand.
And of course, women can absolutely have casual sex. Do you, girl! But if you’re looking for a partner, it sucks and you have to learn not to expect anything after (in regards to emotion or romance) and you learn that the hard way. Who hasn't been fucked over that way? Let's be honest here. Such is the harsh reality of things in this day and age for millennials. Of course there is always the friend of a friend who turned a one night stand into a relationship. I have a friend who ended up dating a one-night stand, and at first I was hopeful; a part of me believed that what happened to her could maybe happen to me. But she’s the exception, and we are all the rule. Realizing that takes so much off your shoulders.
In their early 20s, most guys are actually idiots. Go ahead, ask a man who’s 40 about his 20s. He will definitely support that statement. However, the technological advancements that our generation has experienced will drive a wedge between how young men used to be and how they were. Sure, “boys will be boys”, but there is something inherently different about the young men of today. They are taught that women are their equals, but they are still served by their mothers and showed in the media that women are not whole beings but either stereotypes of fragility or sex.
We, as women, seem to mature in a completely different way, force-fed princess fantasies and The Notebook and friend-of-friend love successes. It seems as though these days, men are taught every day that settling down early is the equivalent of death and that wives or serious girlfriends will suck such the life-force out of them Dementor style. Essentially, for guys, the concept of being in a relationship in their early twenties is the equivalent of being weak. At least that's what it seems like for most of them.
Thanks to my girl gang, I began to understand the real issue, and stopped wasting my time.
Your twenties should not be spent worrying about finding your soulmate, even though your hormones may try to prove otherwise. Hey, if it’s mean to happen it will happen. Also, who is to say that friends can’t be soul mates? Or that you can’t be happy and whole - single? Where is it written that your best friends can’t double as your one and onlies? Remember, men come and go… but girl power is forever. Your girls are the ones who are going to be picking up the pieces when another guy fucks you over.
So, put yourself first. Let them mature a bit, and then see if they are worth your attention. Block him, and go spend some real time with your girls. They will be there for you when he fucks up.
by Margherita Vricella